It's a fact that is tightly woven into the fabric of our lives, but for the most part, I for one have pretty well adjusted... for the purposes of continuing normal life anyway. Even though it's always there, we've responded to social expectations that we "get over it" by doing exactly that. After all, you're not supposed to grieve after a certain point or people start to get persnickety and judgmental.
I always loved this one too: "Well you should be thankful you have your life." Yes. My life. As in, I am still able to take breaths in and out. Of course that is wonderful and deeply meaningful if your LIFE consists of standing still in nothingness taking breaths in and out. Subtract your neighbors and friends and family who live close to you, your local store, all of your photos and mementos with special meaning, your home... and then tell those who have lost all of those very large parts of their lives that it's really all OK, and they should just be happy to be alive. When you're the person on the receiving end of such a comment, it sounds unbelievably ludicrous. And it is.
The crazy thing is, there is no "getting over it." It lives deep within us, but from time to time something triggers its rise to the surface.
7 years after Katrina ~ take a drink ~ here comes Sandy. She plowed over the Northeast and burned a line of destruction through the timeline of the lives she affected. There will from here on be an indelible division between what was and what is. 2005 means something different to me than it does to many others. In the same way, 2012 will forever be a dividing line in the lives of so many people in the Northeast. Many have awoken to a nightmare from which they will not soon be able to wake. And thus the stages of grieving begin.
You're in denial at first and total shock. It's incredibly disorienting... You want to go home, but home just isn't there anymore.
Then the pain overwhelms you. This pain, which is far more than emotional, may present itself as a physical manifestation.
The anger that overcomes you next is of the type that could drive the strongest of us mad. You want to be angry, but there's positively nowhere to direct the anger.
And all at once you realize that you're alone. Your community is destroyed, your family scattered, and you're fighting for some semblance of what used to be a pretty normal life. The depression that you sink into right about now feels like the darkest of places and swallows your life whole. Remember the Neverending Story? Was this the Nothing that took your home in a flash?
There will be an upward turn eventually, but the most important lesson I learned during those darkest of days was this: Be in the moment, know that there is an end to the heartache, but feel it all. Allow yourself to cry, to feel, to just "be." Fight through the pain to get through the days, but allow yourself all of the healing benefits of grieving.
The truth is, you will cry. If not sooner, later... and the sooner you let go, the less it will hurt. It's not fair to say that it will all be OK. Life is never the same after such a dramatic event... but there is hope that you will learn on the other side just how amazing you are. Wait for it. The strength of your spirit will fascinate you as you look back years from now and wonder, "How did I ever make it through?"
Then the pain overwhelms you. This pain, which is far more than emotional, may present itself as a physical manifestation.
The anger that overcomes you next is of the type that could drive the strongest of us mad. You want to be angry, but there's positively nowhere to direct the anger.
And all at once you realize that you're alone. Your community is destroyed, your family scattered, and you're fighting for some semblance of what used to be a pretty normal life. The depression that you sink into right about now feels like the darkest of places and swallows your life whole. Remember the Neverending Story? Was this the Nothing that took your home in a flash?
There will be an upward turn eventually, but the most important lesson I learned during those darkest of days was this: Be in the moment, know that there is an end to the heartache, but feel it all. Allow yourself to cry, to feel, to just "be." Fight through the pain to get through the days, but allow yourself all of the healing benefits of grieving.
The truth is, you will cry. If not sooner, later... and the sooner you let go, the less it will hurt. It's not fair to say that it will all be OK. Life is never the same after such a dramatic event... but there is hope that you will learn on the other side just how amazing you are. Wait for it. The strength of your spirit will fascinate you as you look back years from now and wonder, "How did I ever make it through?"
That was so awesome..
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