I am ME.

One thing I've always been quite adept at is introspection. I'm always considering why I do, think, or feel a certain way; what is it that drives me; where my quirks come from; and why I react the way I do to different situations. And although I might not like all of it all the time, I accept that every little bit of my being adds up to the sum total of ME. So while I might be full of crazy-headed ideas and quirks and filled to the brim with mildly neurotic tendencies, at least I know who I am, and there's definitely something to be said for that.

When I was in middle school, as a punishment for certain minor infractions, we were forced to copy a self-esteem essay called I am me. This little gem of an essay is a complete load of horseshit and never helped me learn about who I am or how to appreciate myself. It just made me mad when I had to write it. What I'm talking about is real, true introspection - really getting to know who I am.

Lately, I've been faced with just that repeatedly, and reminders of my personality traits have come in the strangest forms: Observing a favorite insect, a movie trailer, and a movie review by my friend 2D. I'll explain them here - complete with pictures and video - and show you how I see glimpses of myself in all of these things.

I am Junior.

Recently, as part of his AutoFilmBiography, my buddy 2D reviewed the 1993 movie Cool Runnings, which was definitely one of my favorites as a young girl. When I read his review, I was overwhelmed with memories and reasons why I had loved it, and oddly enough it had little to do with John Candy or the main character or even the theme of the movie. What I had held onto after all that time was an appreciation for the character Junior, a relatively minor one but nevertheless one with whom I could easily identify. I remember Junior as an insecure young man who wholly underestimated himself and who lived terrified of disappointing his father (and everyone else for that matter). But there's much more than meets the eye when it comes to young Junior - behind that timid façade and meek demeanor, there's a profound inner strength, just waiting to be called out. All he needs to be the Olympian that he's unsure he could be, is for someone to force him to look at himself and see what others do. You see, Junior is inferior to none - he's simply a victim of his own skewed perspective. So when Yul Brenner finally calls him out and makes him look himself in the mirror (a very literal representation of seeing what others see), he is forced to acknowledge that PRIDE, that POWER that he has inside. 

This was a fantastic reminder to myself to acknowledge that inner confidence - it's in there, I just gotta remember let it loose from time to time.

I am Piglet.

Did you know that Winnie the Pooh is coming back to the big screen? Of course it's a movie for little kids, but I have a soft spot for the loveable, huggable, wonderful Winnie the Pooh and his friends stemming from childhood. My most favorite character, though, is Piglet, and a recent personality description that I read of this cute little fella could really be my own simply by substituting "Stacie" everywhere it refers to him.

When altered this way it reads:

"[Stacie] is well-known for being extremely timid due to [her] small stature. [Stacie] regularly convinces [herself] that [she] is too small to make much of a difference in most situations. However, [Stacie's] friends often help [her] realize that [she] has a lot of potential greatness stored inside of [her]; [she] simply needs to find the right way to let it out. [Stacie] is usually the first to panic in a stressful situation... But once [she] has calmed down, [she] usually manages to put forth some worthy suggestions for solving the problem at hand..."

This is 99% accurate - I do have a tendency toward anxiety in a stressful situation, but I wouldn't say I panic. I generally do, however, after a moment or two of stressing, quickly and rationally assess the situation and get down the task of finding a solution or dealing with the situation. And I do have amazing friends and family who I count on daily to help me realize my potential and to encourage me to find an outlet.

I am doodle bug.

Doodle bug is what I called it growing up, but whether you call it a pill bug, doodle bug, roly poly, potato bug, woodlouse, cheesy bug, sow bug, roll-up bug, chuggypig, wood bug, or armadillo bug, this particular variety of the innocent little bug they call armadillidiidiae is darn cute.

But have you ever considered the brilliance of the defense mechanism of this tiny critter? When threatened, it rolls itself up into a tight little ball in a stance I'll call the "I'm indestructible and you can't hurt me" pose. I do exactly this sometimes, although I'm much less agile and have no protective shell, so physically it's impossible. However, emotional shut down and shut out is my M.O. if I'm confronted with a particularly overwhelming and stressful situation. This, of course, is not healthy, but it's a tendency that is very much a part of who I am - just like the little doodle bug. It does actually serve a purpose, however, since that's usually when I fold inward and sink into a state of hopelessness just long enough for my fighting instincts to boil up and propel me into action. It's kind of like Eminem said "I guess I had to go to that place to get to this one," except that for me it's a momentary emotional breakdown rather than years of drug addiction. So I guess it's not really the same at all... but it is an awesome song and also an empowering anthem for those of us who need reminding to not be afraid, to take a stand, but to be who we ARE. :D